A year ago, my dawg, Jay, and I had a coinciding breakup. It was a poignant, extremely emotional moment that nearly broke us down. Our breakups were very similar…We'd both been dumped, idiot. In the murky and monkey business that is campus romances, the two ladies were our first true lovers. The aftereffects were so severe that we almost lost our marbles if it hadn't been for the boy power security.
The differences; Jay had dated for quite a year and I had simply dated for 3 months. Jay was doubly ruined than I was. Simply because I had not invested as much in terms of time and resources, but I was equally distraught.
Campus breakups are inevitable. You'll split ways sooner or later. This is the rule, and exceptions are considerably more uncommon than you may think. Most women, however, carry on as if nothing had occurred. This may be heartbreaking for the males on campus. Take my word for it; these are usually our first serious breakups in our post-adolescent dating years.
When a lady leaves you, it is an indication of inadequacy. Inadequacy in financial terms, sexual inadequacy, and emotional inadequacy...not necessarily in that order. A guy can be destroyed if he is not strong enough. It crushes one's ego, harms one's pride, and might impair one's self-esteem. So evilly destructive. Many people have been damaged, and it has taken a lot of fortitude to overcome this.
For me and Jay, we had a session of therapeutic conversations with boys (Especially my home boy-Poetic Hans) over copious amounts of tea at Mega bites.
It was either almost feminine, queer, or both. We didn't act tough or like men about it. We opened up. We had a series of diatribes in which we lashed out at the women; obviously, sour grapes, but it did help. It was beneficial to the heart.
Since our two ladies began new relationships with males on our campus, who were truly our friends, we were tormented by their ghost for quite some time. I recall writing on the topic while sitting in for columnist Osano Brian. It's never funny to witness your girlfriend sleeping around in your hall of residence, like Jay did, or to see her strolling around with him all the time. It hurts a much.
When the ghost got too much for Jay, he relocated. Regardless, we all got along fine. The ladies were kind enough to say hello and call now and then. But we learned our lessons the hard way, and there is no greater teacher than experience.
Jay was dumped because his girlfriend suspected he was sleeping around (which he may have been), but it was a well-planned maneuver by the girlfriend to abandon him. On my side, I had been accused of being constantly busy and never being present for her. So, I was exactly as guilty as claimed. But I feel there was more to it, and I hope she will tell me soon.
Why the diatribe? In my group of six lads, the fifth and least probable got the shocking breakup that nearly destroyed him. I've never seen a brother in such pain. So terrified of saying goodbye. He, on the other hand, is the youngest and has been enjoying the most blissful relationship, born of childhood trust and loyalty. I had cautioned him about his lethargy, but he had ignored me. We all do it in our first love before we meet reality with all of its monstrosities.
But, strangely and unexpectedly, the girl buddy wanted out. It couldn't have happened at a worse moment. At a time when you're all dealing with a career standstill and an unprecedented surge of msoto, the last thing you want to hear is your girlfriend leaving you. It's easy to see why he's completely insane.
He has never been in a relationship that ended in platinum tears. He is inexperienced still young and naïve. Perhaps he is unaware that life is a series of disappointing acts. How often do you witness a nice lady committing her heart to a man who abuses her and causes her to despise men for the rest of her life? How often have you seen guys with excellent intentions dumped by women in whom they have invested so much?
Love is the riskiest venture. You devote someone your heart and body. They use it and then ditch you after the utility is finished. Men take advantage of women. Women take advantage of males. It all comes down to who is on the receiving end at the end of the day.
The issue is, that we must all come to accept the inevitability of these events. They are unavoidable. If someone has ever told you that they want to leave, simply ask why, if only to help you be a better person the next time, and go on. Life is far too brief. And, as the saying goes, "get out and mingle," for there is always a lonely heart out there.
I've always believed that if someone is pulling off, don't even think about trying to catch him or her. By the time they pull it off, they are usually deep into another relationship or have it figured out.
Here is to hope that my friend will learn that sometimes those we love so much love can be a letdown. My advice has been… get enough of Luther Vandross, Brian MC Knight, Kevin Hurt, and Tyler Perry movies and keep the fight. Get a drink, watch Arsenal play and talk to us. It can be wonderful. And to all those there who have ever been left, take heart. These things just happen.
Ps: From the last post, one girl wanted a date with me. I honestly do not know who she was. Well, I was busy then, but for now, I am very much available. We can meet any time as long as we agree in advance. But warning; I am extremely boring, if I start talking about sheep farming in Mongolia, bear with me. I am a lousy date. I can guarantee.
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