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Lessons Learned from Finishing Campus

“The next time you live like this will be when you’ve made your first million,” the old tuk tuk driver transporting my belongings from college to my new home remarked.   “Out here, you don’t vandalize property because your tap is dry or there’s a power outage.” His tone carried a hint of sadistic sarcasm, regardless of how well-meaning his unrequested guidance was.   In the past few months, I’ve been having numerous meetings with Mr. Reality. Just two weeks ago, while attending a graduation party at a friend's place, the caretaker stormed in, furious, and served a notice that completely killed the party. Only recently, while shopping at a local supermarket, I found out that the price of Unga has skyrocketed to six times what it was when I started my college four years ago. These are just a few of the harsh realities that the seemingly comfortable life in college shelters you from. It's not amusing at all.   Reality is the most grotesque monster one can face, parti...
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FRESHA UPDATES; ONE LAID, NOT SO FUNNY

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Readers' Disclaimer: This blog may contain obscene scenes and language on occasion, but please bear with the writer as he is just concerned about disseminating the truth as he knows it.


"By the way, I'm not interested in becoming your boyfriend," Jay, told a fresha after a quick afternoon lay.


"I'm not either." Said the fresha very curtly.


If a woman tells you that, you feel duped, used, abused, and pretty short-changed as a male. Jay thought that he could use the fresha and dump her pretty quickly. Despite his claimed prowess, this fresha proved to be a clever ass.


Jay is the standard bad boy “thug” on campus. He has slept with a plethora of women. Has no moral compass. Drinks everything and smokes anything. He loves sex, liquor, and money. He is, in my opinion, the SI unit of immorality. He has never refuted this truth. He outraced everyone in our clique when it came to bedding a fresha. Not surprisingly.

But his encounter is merely one of those forgettable recreational sex encounters that we all have once in a while. Nothing home to write about. There is no capital 'O.' There are no feelings. There are no sweet nothings. Just like plucking from the red light, except this time the woman does not beg for money and she also enjoys herself.


As I said earlier, there are several freshaz whose generosity will be the topic of conversation at our hostels( bedsitters??) for the next few days. Here's a quick rundown of how to do the freshaz.


  1. Spot the beauty 

Over time, I've discovered that the most attractive women are the easiest to date, hang out with, and even lay. They are insecure. Unsure of what happens in this strange, huge, wild world. They come in two varieties: those who are too aware of their appearance and who believe that everything must revolve around them. And then there are people who are unconcerned with their appearance and are simply pleased with their lives. Choose the latter. They are usually bright and sober. They possess the rare intellectual nerve to drive a conversation.

Choose one beauty, strike up a simple discussion, and listen to her false dreams, hopes, and wishes before moving on to feed them. You should not drink if she does not. Please be religious if she is. Move away from whatever she hates. Assure her that the relationship will last. Assure her of your whole trust. She can love you so much if she has never been heartbroken. Sometimes she turns out to be the girl you've been looking for.


  1. Identify the Player 

No one can ever be that awful when played by a woman, let alone a starry-eyed, enthusiastic fresha. Getting beaten up beats being beaten up. Unacceptable. Keep away if she has a habit of hanging out with strange male or female company. Keep away if she's a party animal. Keep off if she answers three phone calls every five minutes. Keep off if she drinks too much and acts erratically. If she hugs every male buddy of hers with her boobs exposed, son run. If the only time you know where she is is when she is with you and she keeps her physical location hidden...run.


3. Find the heartbroken

Dating a heartbroken woman is both simple and difficult. Simple, if she has accepted the inevitability of the past, is ready to face the problems of the present, and is unconcerned about the uncertainties of the future. It's hard if she lives in the past. You'll need to be very technical if you're meeting a fresha who has recently split up with her adolescent boyfriend. Please promise her that you will not shatter her heart, and please do not.


I believe that if you can't appreciate a woman enough, leave her alone. There will always be someone who can love her better.


4. Spot the virgin

Surprisingly, there are a number of virgins among fresha. There are those who are now prepared to have the most life-changing experience of their lives. They are looking for that one particular man to open the door to joy, pleasure, and unfettered ecstasy. For the first time, they will discover that their bodies have the ability to summon a formidable magic concoction. They will discover for the first time why sex is the sole thing that drives humanity. The reason for this is that they will be seeking the damn degree. The reason they'll be waking every morning.

If you come upon a virgin, treat her well. It is a special day. Don't be in a hurry. Give in to her demands. Penetration can be difficult, so wait until she is fully prepared. Go in slowly and release the wild oats that will excite her as she is ushered into the world's only known standard measure of equality by the time she gives you the green light.


PS. The streets are damn dirty, don’t forget to use a condom. 

 Been on a sabbatical, healing from an election trauma. I am now back and I tell you darlings, I have   amazing stuff this time round. So keep it here for more firework. 

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