Sometimes in life, we may meet that one lover who rocks our world. And being a young adult, you are well versed with what sex is. As a man, you can delay your gratification for maximum results. And for Women, they know well the consequences of unprotected sex. And in the event of raw sex, they know where they can buy a P2. Speaking of P2s, I have discovered girls are more confident asking for a P2 at a chemist than men when buying condoms.
Anyway, after getting to campus you are likely to will meet that perfect lover. You will be nuts over each other. You will have sex everywhere, anywhere, every time, anytime, anyhow. In a car. Ah, Where do you get a car from during your first year on campus? (Though I have engaged young women who have had sex in a car and they have revealed to me that it is one of the experiences)In the sitting room on the sofa. In the sitting room on the carpet. In the kitchen. Pinned anywhere on the wall and randomly banged. Ladies like this as well, I gather. Anywhere. At the arboretum. At some abandoned corner in the university. In some toilet in a club. In the library. In some office.
I believe that is the best time to understand the divine essence of sex is when setting your feet on Campus soil.
Campus girls understand this art of recreational sex. They learn that nothing beats sleeping with some Dave or Sam they meet inevitably at some childish birthday party where alcohol runs out before midnight and the toilet is invariably messed up. At the university, most women will be like men: they will do away with any element of guilt that gnaws women when they have sex. They are fully liberated, and in time they learn more about their libidos and how they can be satisfied.
When I come to think of it, not everyone is lucky as to find the perfect lover at this age of ours. Those who do, ultimately break up. Only a few end up in marriage. Those who break up end up having a complex relationship with the ex. Especially girls. For men, over time, you can get over your best ex. Save for those lucky to date the most beautiful, curviest lady with the best bedroom game. In that case, you will hanker after her for the rest of your life.
Anyway, the perfect ex will be part of her life permanently. He will be the benchmark of looks and bedroom performance for the rest of her life. If the man was beastly and lit up all her senses giving her multiple orgasms, all the men she will date afterward will be subjected to the same scrutiny. And trust me; a woman who has been exposed to good sex at a young age will not take mediocre sex in her subsequent sexual encounters. The reason some women tend to be promiscuous without any qualms is that they know what is best for them.
As she grows older, maybe in her 25-30, she might meet another equally good man, who will also form part of her exes who will complicate her marriage later. Osano Brian tells me this quite often
In a survey that I have done, a woman in a relationship is four times more likely to cheat on her man with her ex. Or one of her ex. Remember, there is an ‘ex’ in sex. There are reasons for this.
For starters, exes have an undue advantage on your girl over any other man. Truth be told, some exes have better access to your girl than you do. They have seen her naked. And anyone who has seen you naked has seen you at your most vulnerable and will know what button to push when necessary. And women never quite open about their exes. You never know which ex did what to her. You never know which ex made her abort. Which ex she did the craziest things with, experimented with all sorts of pornographic sex-Kamasutra-Tantric-Anal-blah blah. The secrets people keep even as they walk in this town in their pristine suits…
Two, one of these exes can blackmail her into sex. Because he already knows the best thing to say to melt her heart, or whatever. He knows where to touch to make her…eehh ehh, ready.
And when you become a prick, she has the number of her ex in her head, she just needs to call him and go for consolation. And a full package of consolation starts with a cup of coffee in Megabytes and ends up in his room, Chebarus. Remember this time she told you she has gone to see her brother when you were not in speaking terms? Well, turns out, she was in town with Sam. Her second last ex, before you took her up. Also, with an ex, there is no need for her to be bureaucratic. So, damn procedures. You always cut to the chase. You know each other’s bodies so well, no need of presence. Nothing to hide.
Thirdly, many individuals rarely feel guilt sleeping with their exes. We feel like it is the pension we are claiming. Or you know those honorary games footballers play when they retire. Or better still, those moments when players come back to practice in their former clubs, occasionally being signed to play on loan. As they mentor the younger player about the club's tradition.
Anyway, most women always yearn for that one reunion with the good ex. And the best time for that is when they are on bad terms with their present man. They do remind themselves, that they are still desirable. That someone still wants them. And you can never go wrong with the ex. He will always be at your beck and call, whether you have depreciated, or not.
So, here is for my boys in those permanent relationships. Beware of the available ex. They are always saved in simple names such as Frank, Sam, Dave, Dennis. No accompanying explanations such as Frank-BA, Fred-Class rep. No, it is mostly those mysteriously quiet numbers in the phone. No text message (OK the cliché Christmas message does not count but if it is from 2021, you have to know why it is kept.) You never know when she called or texted him. If you snoop her WhatsApp, you will soon notice that there is some evidence of communication, but the messages are permanently deleted and the bastard sits at the bottom of the message pool.
When you bump into the ex of your woman along the Academic highway, girls like behaving funny. A girl will never introduce his ex. But you can tell. An ex is always given a hug, and if you stand there she will make curt introductions,
“That is Steve and this is Sam”, no more niceties. But she will remain behind with him for two minutes where they will share some stupid silly joke and will catch up with and will never mention anything about the man. If you ask, it is always a colleague she interned with somewhere in Nairobi or a friend from high school, then it hits you she was not in a mixed school, but the gentleman in you compels you to be mam
So, if in a relationship, snoop around her phone.
Employ detection skills and forensics. Know who the perfect ex was. Once you know, hire assassins, or know where they drink and drop cyanide in his drinks. Once the ex or two of them die, you will have limited her cheating by at least 69% (see what I did there). And you will live happily fending off newer hyenas.
Ps. When we write stuff like this, many of you think we are depressed or maybe character developed, No. This article is inspired by insomnia
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