So, what is the big deal with her stalking condoms?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing awakens the feeling of sex other than the sight of condoms. There is no man’s house that lacks a good number of stacked condoms; some underneath the bed, or in one of the unused jackets. Shows preparedness and precaution in the event you get laid. 

 For some folks, just like me who is an avid follower of Jesus and given abstinence precaution, there is a constant supply of condoms at my place. Certainly, sad as it is, I not aware of where they originated from, as I have never bought a box of condoms throughout my entire existence. I am saved. And, yes, I don’t sleep around. I zip it up. But my boys, I think, are at their sexual prime and my house has infrequently served as a guest house every once in a while. So, they have done enough stockpiling of prophylactic sheaths. Even my acquittances who barely get laid and are not in long-term relationships, stock up on condoms. However, very few men are comfortable with a woman stocking piling condoms in her home or her suit bag.

Indulge me

Imagine  you went to your girl’s house and after making out she claims that she is ready for a lay but you are scared because you don’t have condoms and she goes,

‘Hold on babe,’ and she grabs for a basket and collars  Rough-Riders, saying, ‘here we go,’ What could be your response? Well for me, I will probably panic. Many will respond to the heat of the moment but will be hell-scared and probably curse and lament inwards how rotten the world has become. 93% of guys will never return to that house again. 

I want to know what could be your responses in the comment section. 

So, here it is:

I visited an acquaintance in her apartment. She is one of those female friends whom I can’t set out the terms of our friendship, except say that we once kissed and it was a bad idea.

She had friend-zoned me, but I chose my pride over her by distancing myself in an attempt to save my dignity and prospects. I was holding out hope that a few months or years down the road. I’d be lucky. Abigael (if we can call her that) is one of those above-average gals, with a body to tap. She is extroverted and well-informed, yet she can’t seem to find a partner for keeps. she seems to have been hurt once, based on the way she speaks,  and she is pretty cynical about it. This implies she doesn’t get laid as much as she would want. So many of them around.

So, on this lazy Friday afternoon, she starts a WhatsApp chat that ends up with me being invited to her place, on a Saturday evening. The evening’s agenda had not yet been established; therefore, it was a blank page. I am terrible at reading signs. It constantly strikes me back later about some behavior that called for duty, such as her lying on the bed conversing in hushed tones while I am seated there telling her about Russia- Ukraine war. Oh, I can be oblivious like this.

So, being as tall and intellectual as I am, I assumed I had been invited to an innocent meal. As a pessimist, it never occurred to me that I should have purchased some condoms. I arrived at her door and knocked. She was dressed in a smooth, sleeveless top that showed off her arms and cleavage. Nice stuff. Her skirt was a little too short. It’s shockingly brief. My mind read this as her indoor attire. I can be a litter wacky!

She gave me one of those tenacious hugs, pushing her butt against my chest and a quick sensual peck that I misinterpreted as fun. she shook her bum as she walked to the kitchen.  If you know what I mean, my little man down there, gasped, cleared his throat, and sneezed. She came over with a glass of water for me. She acted out the part of a loving but idolatrous woman who is rejoined by a spouse after a six-month absence. Abigael, you nailed it. When she learned that a goat can read the road signs better than I can read her advances, she decided to take the lead. 

When she brought the food, we sat in the bed together, she feeding me clearly and doing all the romantic things people do. My role was to play along as a good visitor with a benevolent boss. I assumed she was motivated by friendship. She did have a plan. She then served wine. Well, I don’t do wine since I came from the village and given it is too sweet for a real man, but I just played along. Next was a kiss out of the blues that startled me. Little kababa was up.

“I guess you are working me up, Abigael, ” I  helplessly because the smaller brain was taking charge.

“That is the plan,” she added with that, ‘tonight is the night we are going make it happen’ smiled, and I realized I was in big trouble.

“I don’t even have the rubbers,’ I remarked, attempting to be manly and responsible, ‘and you know these things…”

“Hiyo tu ndio shida yako? She asked, almost maliciously and daring me. She yanked me from the chair  I was sitting on and pushed me towards her bed. My head said NO. My heart said MAYBE. KABABA  pointed towards the bedroom door. Kababa always wins in moments like this.

 When a free lay comes up and you don’t have the rubbers and your mind is exploding with pushing to move and throw caution to the wind, you get a tumultuous sense of awareness. The sober self thinks about your friends and family who have perished from HIV, unexpected pregnancies, and botched abortions, yet the thighs will beckone. I don’t know about women, but it is impossible for guys, it is impossible to think  clearly in  presence of a naked woman.

Her script was playing out nicely in her bed, but I was utterly baffled. No man wants to be turned into a stud without his assent, so I was concerned. Next, she handed me a brand of condoms that I had never seen before. They looked costly, though. My zeal and  joy had vanished all of a sudden Something inside of me just blew out. Kababa recoiled and shrunk to the size of a comma in font size 2, Georgia 

I excused myself. Grabbed my jacket and told her, it can’t happen. I have never seen a woman so hurt and distressed. It was evident in her eyes; the disappointment was tangible and aggrieving, but more importantly, her unwavering reputation in front of my eyes had vanished. 

You can call me sexually dysfunctional, stupid, insensitive, and other derogatory terms, but a woman handing me condoms is something I am not yet ready for and will never be ready for in a long time.

 The universal desire of all men is to meet a lady who has slept with few guys as possible.. Even gals are aware of this reality, which is why, when discussing her ex-boyfriends, the golden rule is never to surpass five. Two of them, of course, are labeled as jokers, and nothing ever transpired between them.  The first lover, who is normally difficult, just walks out on her. The second is normally out of the country and the third is the immediate ex.

No man is intended to believe this nonsense laced with bullshit, but it is fair to say, no man is ever prepared to deal with the truth.

In reality, an average campus girl who drinks goes out and dates has probably seen more ceilings and awoken from many beds than the number of goals Messi scores in a season. You can refuse to share a drink of water with me in a restaurant or even call me dumb if it makes your day,  but the reality remains that she offers heads and swallows and that is the mouth that kisses you daily.

She has most likely aborted once or twice, presuming she is not a mother already. P2s, on the hand, are part of her dietary requirements. It is not the worse but the number of girls who fit this description in campus, can fit into Pavilion grounds

Men, of course, are part of this vicious cycle and they are well aware women have been laid in Moi; it takes two to tango. Men comprehend that getting a virgin is equivalent to finding a policeman who is not corrupt. We know what women are capable of, and we are gradually approved of it. We can't, however, accept them stockpiling condoms. It is improper for a regular gal to have some for herself unless she’s a prostitute, a proclaimed mistress or a hooker. The prevailing notion is that she sleeps with as many guys as she wants and that she is a freak and no one can handle  

So, if you are a lady, and you want to stock up, think twice. It  can turn off a possible lifetime companion. Its all because of sexual standards. 

Ps; Kindly guys tag your friends along, share the link and drop your very honest opinion in the comment section, that is how we will grow. 

And you always reach me through, 0759208020 

dravilduke88@gamail.com