Abigael. I loved her but I hated her name. I, mean abigael
sounds like a derogatory or dangerous biological byproduct. But she didn’t make a big deal out of it. She
is helpless. In terms of our names, we're all the same.
Her physique was a flawless work
of art that is hard to find. She has such ripe feet that all you need is sauce
to complete the meal. She activated the cannibal in me. If she is aware of her
attractiveness, she should act modestly about it. She appears well-groomed.
Always wearing short skirts or pants with a tailored fit that hems just above
the knee to expose thighs that seem inflammable when close to a flame. She is
not much taller than 5'8.
The moment I first saw her, I liked her. But the two of us
were acting distant, we secretly knew that we were destined for greatness. And a
water point connected us.
Several thoughts go through your
head when you see a lady of her caliber. If you're a pervert, you do a plethora
of infinite things with such bodies. If you're a gentleman, like yours truly, I
saw a girlfriend to keep. If you're a
regular guy, you understand that some things are intended to be seen but never
touched. Man, she ticks all of my needs in a lady; girlfriend, wife, companion,
collaborator, and freak lover. She has been charged by many of being shy or
rude, but anyone with such beauty can act however they please. Although
she has been accused by many of being shy or having a bad attitude, anyone with
such natural beauty should be permitted to act however she pleases. She is
above the law.
All was well then, on a random Tuesday, owing to a little misunderstanding,
she typed, "this can’t work."
l understood what she's saying. I read the message
approximately 69 times. It hurt because I
sat down and felt inadequate. Felt the
cruelty of the world.
Heartbreaks hurt because for a girl you love, as a man, you
will give your best. You will forgo your lunch to send her internet bundles.
Forsake your rent man to send her cash for her nails. Kick your kid bro
out to accommodate her. Hate your mother if she tells you to. Sweep all the
dust in Kesses as she asked you to. Sometimes all of the above. You live with the king of hatred that only
love can understand!
I’ll be honest with you guys, I haven’t
had a good quarter year. Of con
unprofessional Editors and sleepless nights that don’t pay off and accrued
debts, I have seen it all this last quater. I see folks on Whatsapp counting
all the things they achieved and I’m
just here like, “Well, hell, I saw B.o.B bitches!”
But where I come from, we were taught to
never sulk at the negatives, but to learn from them. So here are a few
things and people that capped 2023 for me:
1. This
year, I had the nicest birthday of my life. I will be eternally thankful to all
of my friends and my boss who went above and beyond to make that period of my
life what it was. I hope your cups never run dry, and I hope I am privileged
enough to repay the generosity I observed.
2. I've cut back on my drinking. Not ceased, just
reduced kidogo. I'm working up the guts to say 'No' to people who invite me out
for drinks on unusual days. Because, as much as I enjoy a fine whiskey, I've
discovered I can't drink from Monday to Monday. Not because I can't, but simply
because I don't want to.
3. Remember, nothing is worse of a deal breaker to a man than
a woman who, for the life of her, just can't cook Chapos
4. There is a girl called Mercy for whom I’m willing to sell
my father’s land and give her all the money just so she can spend an eternity
keeping herself looking the way she does. All I will want in return is just a
glance, a wink and a smile from her. That girl deserves all earthly riches.
5. I was raised in a small village. A place the envy of
downtown lowlives, a haven of more drunks and village corner
panhandlers than the city can muster. Until I had an epiphany—that these are
the bastards who will bury me—I considered them to be idlers. For nothing more
than a meager pittance, a shot of the best locals in the village, and a
slaughtered chicken, they have been burying villagers for the past ten years.
They are willing to dig your grave from the ground up while singing and
muttering your praises while your city friends sleep in town lodges. Tippet
well, for with them your life ends.
6. I'm not sure what it is about me that screams Ben 10, but
I'm attracting an exceptionally high number of relatively older, married women
these days. I'm not complaining; I simply want to know what it is so that I may
continue doing it. Is it because of my ugly face? Or does my face just appear
like it wants to be sat on? I'd really like to know.
I'd also like to emphasize that none of these women have ever
sat on my face. We have a straightforward system: they want to talk, and I
prefer to listen. We normally just drink whiskey (on their tab) and listen to
them talk about what horrible creatures men are. I occasionally try to protect
my species, but I'm usually always overruled. Regardless, I can state with
certainty that older ladies make excellent company. And they will never require
2K immediately.
7.Jealousy is a squandered emotion. Our life paths are so
distinct, and the world is so vast that there is always something for everyone.
8. .I gave another shot to burgers and pizza the other day;
they still don’t taste right in my mouth. Chapo-Madondo are still the shit.
9. Here’s to two decades of eating Chapos. The amount of
Chapos in my stomach right now and that that I have released over the years
could probably buy me a piece of land.
10.I never imagined myself to be a drinker. My family was
reduced to ineptitude and banality because of alcohol, and I made a vow to
avoid it. My father enjoyed the high life until it took his life, and since I
am his child, I share some of his crimes. With an eye for the trade, a
respectable family life, and a life on my terms, I lollop forth, alert and
cautious. I'm keeping one eye on the pint as well; this isn't getting to me
either.
11 A long back, one of my friends invited me out for drinks.
Before the mamaas joined us, we had finished the entire bottle of whiskey. He
took one home with him, and I had to make sure the other one made it home
without incident. My phone was shut off, and the amount of money in my pockets
was barely 100.
I tapped my boy, and as he went into an Uber, he tossed me
some loose 500 bob. Normally, I wouldn't use my phone to hail a cab, but since
it was turned off, I was unable to do so. Furthermore, since I still wouldn't
have been able to pay for it with my phone off, I didn't even bother to inquire
as to whether the other mama had Uber.
I told the mami up front that we were
heading to board a matatu, just like any other male would. She requested for
chips and chicken halfway through, so at three in the freaking morning, I had
to buy that stuff for a mami I wasn't even going to bang. which
meant that I had only 350 Bob left. The fare to Kesses was roughly 300 bob. It
took some time for the matatu to fill up, and throughout that time, she
insisted on calling an Uber for me. What I really wanted to ask was, "How,
you have the app stashed somewhere in that huge butt of yours?" Rather, I
responded, "But I've already paid." It's only 300 bob, she answered.
I even gave her a call to check on her once she reached her location. However,
I hear that she is now complaining and making remarks about me. Some wonderful
ladies exist in this world, but there are also some who should have been born
newspapers. tutumie nyama kufunga na kuwasha jiko.
12 Ignore
love. It
ages faster than a fairy light and doesn't feed. You will find a medium ground
if she was raised decently and you say your shit with clarity and decency. The
tiny devils that run the unions are
learning,
communication, and compromises—these are the things that matter more than wins.
This the name of the compromise.
13. Grow a
brass pair; everyone, sober or not, is going through something. Your issues are
not fleeting.
14.I am a very youthful person with an old soul. My passion is
Kenyan music. But I'm a tough guy when it comes to Kenyan writers; I have
higher expectations for literary masters than for sultry poets.
15. The worst error you will ever make is assuming that a drunk
has nothing valuable to teach you. We are not vacuous, merely inebriated, and
none of that has ever stood in the way of man and reason. We speak with a
little more clarity than a man holding a holy book in one hand and a collar in
the other.
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