Lies Women in Uni Tell

 

Do we have virgins in Uni?

There are. I've been involved with one. I can vouch for it. However, they are as uncommon as honest police officers. More seldom than ice in the Sahara. Even rarer than finding a truthful politician. More unusual than a joyful marriage.

Interestingly, you still encounter women who can look you straight in the eyes and confidently claim they are virgins. When you show disbelief, they become offended.

Naturally, your skepticism arises from the unforgettable intimate experience you just had and her extraordinary skills in foreplay. She continues to insist that despite all the men she's met, she has never gone beyond foreplay. You are the first lucky one to experience the wonders of her tongue.

It’s suffocating. It’s frustrating. It’s bothersome. It’s exasperating. Yet, if you choose to believe it, if only to keep the peace, she will feel gratified thinking you are an unsuspecting fool.

It’s a frequently circulated falsehood, and I’ve encountered numerous women who have attempted this virgin narrative. I’m experienced enough to overlook their innocence. If a woman claims she’s a virgin, it’s an appealing prospect. The thought of unprotected sex immediately comes to mind. In today’s world, where having unprotected sex with the average girl is wildly inadvisable, it’s often a refreshing notion, especially if you can enjoy it without the annoyance of condoms.

So, what are some other fabrications we encounter repeatedly in our average, everyday dating escapedes?

1. She’s giving her first blow job to you

And you feel fortunate, oh lucky you! This is the most common myth circulating today. When she claims you are her first, it’s time to flee. As soon as she utters those words, she will proceed to pleasure you like a pro. So where did she acquire that expertise? From a lollipop? From pornography…?

I’m highly skeptical. Nowadays, even the most demure and innocent woman can surprise you when she reaches down and takes you out, gazing at it as if it’s a revered idol before doing the unimaginable.

You can differentiate between a novice and an expert (sic). A novice typically appears hesitant, but be wary of those exaggerated behaviors. A novice will be cautious, perhaps overly so. With a novice, you might find yourself holding your breath, gripping the sheets tightly, and hoping she doesn’t accidentally bite it off, stealing away your very essence of life. In contrast, an expert will instill confidence, and if you’re not careful, you might find yourself spilling over.

Unfortunately, all these enticing, enticing mouths are wandering around campus like their sugary counterparts. Did I mention that I’ve recently developed a fear of kissing? You can call me foolish if that makes your Wednesday brighter.

        2. She ended her relationship with her ex boyfriend because he was a cheater.

This is a particular kind of a lie. Contrary to popular belief, not a lot of men cheat. Only a select few can manage to cheat successfully. This idea of players is excessively exaggerated. Steer clear of conversations that center around her previous partners. View her like a second-hand vehicle. Utilize the features that remain intact, mend the damaged ones, and move forward.

She'll deceive you completely. She will never reveal how many men she has been intimate with. My crude friends often joke that, down there, there is no limit. It’s elastic. It’s like a road that can be used for an eternity. Trying to find out this information is pointless. So just let it go.

The reasons for their breakup should remain between her and him.

        3. She can be loyal.

Loyalty has been dubbed ‘outdated’ in the dating lexicon. Any girl in college you date will likely be ‘yours’ only during the time she spends with you. If it’s 24/7, you’re set. Startling stories circulate about women who dine in clubs, hook up in streets, and later get picked up at her room on the same night, all between 7 pm and 11 pm.

College women outperform Hollywood actors in their performances. They are more skilled in acting. Someone please teach me how to trust. My goodness. They lament to you about how you’ve hurt them, and before tears hit the floor, they are safely in the embrace of another man.

And these are not my tales of bitterness or failed relationships.

        4. She can take care of her bills 

Completely absurd. Utterly amusing. My friend PO refers to them as  economic refugees. I can’t disagree with him more. Women in college show little empathy. They are no different from those you encounter at bars, who can tamper with your drink and rob you blind. Except in college, they don the disguise of love.

The number of men who have been dumped  because their finances could no longer support relationships in college is shocking. It stands at around 13,459 out of 22,000 Moi students.

Women are generally in a better financial position while in college. They can get money from their parents, their  boyfriends, the occasional sugar daddy, and some even juggle day and night jobs. However, equality in Kenya means that a woman covers her own expenses and the man takes care of two. If he fails to do so, she will always be busy.

        5. She can love you

Perhaps I’m a hopeless pessimist, but I’m quite certain that while you can find many things on campus, love isn't one of them. Academic responsibilities, doubled with newfound freedom, seem to take all the love from women. It's quite rare to encounter a woman who is willing to commit to one man.

Interestingly, many women do not subscribe to the idea of monogamy. They view monogamy as a sort of imprisonment. Women often seem to love men in a rotating manner, giving each man who enters her life a piece of her affection at different times.

So, don’t delude yourself into thinking that she is completely yours. Ignore her tears. Dismiss her insincere feelings. Enjoy the time you have with her.

This conversation will continue.

        6. Shhh!!!! Be quiet, the neighbor is trying to sleep

Is there anything more off-putting than a woman who makes fake moaning sounds? Made up moaning can be quite irritating. While it may stroke one's ego, it can also be exceedingly bothersome, especially when effort is required. Tony says it's like swimming in an ocean, where the saltwater makes it easier, but that density issue is troublesome.

There are some women who make things so much simpler that you start to question the noise. It keeps the neighbor awake, not with excitement but with irritation, as they often have unappealing voices.

As I pen off: Stay away from women with deep, sultry voices. They make bad sleep mates.